Take A Walk Outside

“Take a walk outside - it will serve you far more than pacing around in your mind.”

- Rasheed Ogunlaru

When I started dealing with my anxiety and depression my doctors said I needed to do something active. Joining a team sport or going to the gym didn't appeal to me in the slightest. For some reason I chose to try running. I'm so glad I did. I haven't always enjoyed running - when I first started it was really, really hard. I would run out of breath so quickly and my legs would feel weak. I would beat myself up if I had to stop - I wasn't just struggling with self esteem, my body was struggling too.

It started getting easier when I stopped setting goals. I used to run with an app that told me when to take a break and when to push harder. Now I don't care if I run the whole way or for just a few minutes. Just getting out and doing it feels good enough.

I knew being active would be good for my health but I don't think I could ever imagine how good it has been for my mind. When I run, my mind slows down. I still have thoughts pop in to distract my focus but I don't follow their stories for long. I think part of it is because I don't hold my usual high expectations. I'm not training to be marathon runner or trying to get a bikini body. There's no pressure to be the best. The only thing I have to do when I run, is run.

I want to be able to have that mindset when I do other things. When I eat, I want to just eat. Enjoy my food rather than eat it too quickly. When I talk to others, I want to listen properly and pay attention (I can't tell you how much I have missed because I wasn't all there). It takes a lot of reminding and remembering to do it but I know that when I practice being fully present, I can experience things without being distracted by past events or future worries.

And the best thing about running - I don't feel guilty when I eat an extra piece of chocolate!

The Beach

Have you ever been to the beach and just looked?
Just listened?
Felt what the sand feels like?
How cold and soothing the water can be?

The beach is the best place in the world. And there isn't just one.
There's hundreds.
Thousands.
How awesome is that?

I have a few favourite spots near home where I like to sit in my car and write while watching the waves or listening to the wind and the seagulls. It's so peaceful. It's so calming. It feels safe.

Lots of people enjoy going to the beach with friends, having a chilled out day and a BBQ for dinner. I don't like that so much. It takes my focus away from the beach and onto the people.

I'm so lucky that I still have such a child like wonder whenever I see the ocean. My favourite memories of any holiday or day trip are those when we would come up over a hill or a mountain and see the huge expansive ocean on the other side. Water for miles and miles.

The words would come out before I'd even realised. I couldn't hold the excitement in.
Sometimes now I stop myself.
Ok not sometimes. Nearly every time.

I hide the "wows" and stop my eyes from lighting up. Maybe thats the anxiety, maybe its just part of how I think adults are expected to be.

I'm not going to hold it in anymore. Not about the beach. The beach is my safe place. The beach is mine.

I wish I could paint well. If I could do that I would paint a beach.