There Is So Much Going On

There is so much going on. 

I felt totally overwhelmed. The cafe was noisy and not just with sound. Four people were serving at three different tills - how was I supposed to know who to talk to? I could hear the harsh clanging of cups and plates being cleared off tables. The coffee grinder roared as it crushed fragrant beans. Customers bustled in and out of the entrance. Those already seated were slurping their drinks and chewing on crumbly treats. Some were distracted by their cellphones while others were talking loudly to their friends, competing with the rest of the noise. The mirrors along the walls didn't help in the slightest. Every detail I noticed was magnified and multiplied, adding to the busyness.

Even just a few weeks ago, maybe even days, I would have left that cafe before I'd even got through the door. Unless I had someone else with me to focus on, I would have latched on to the racing thoughts, letting them overpower me. Today though, I got to really put my mindfulness skills to the test. I could feel my heart starting to race so I concentrated on my feet. How did they feel sitting in my shoes? I described them to myself in as much detail as I could (in my head - otherwise I really would have looked crazy).

Grounding myself is something that has taken a lot of practice. I still have times when I am completely unable to do it but I got through my lunch at the cafe and managed to enjoy quite a lot of it. I am so proud that I could do that all on my own. My anxiety has never been so bad that I've wanted to stay inside all day but it has had a big impact on the way I behave in social situations. I'm so glad there are things I can do to really make some progress and live my life the way I want.